Hey, Let me begin by saying, That I still haven’t learned, How to express my feelings. I’m still….. Lost. Scared. Drained. Bruised. Torn. And quiet.
I still let people walk all over me, And I remain silent when they take advantage of me. I’m broken. How do I fix that side of me? Is there ever going to be a moment in reality, When I’m not crying out for some tranquility? Nah, I’m just going to remain captured, By these stupid thoughts and anxiety.
I hate this roller coaster of life that keeps dragging me. I want it to stop and let go of my sanity. But no, the track won’t end, And every day is another bend. One moment I’m happy, Then the ride comes and rips that from me. What kind of hell is this? And do y’all even hear me? I keep crying out, But the wind drowns me out. And that’s when I remember, I haven’t said a word. These thoughts only exist inside of me. The biggest problem in my life isn’t this damn anxiety. No, the biggest problem in my life is just me.
It’s been four years since I really sat down with myself. And listened to all the emotions inside of me. I grew quiet and scared To address the feelings I carry. And every time I wanted to scream, I took all the words and desires, And throw them into an asylum. I learned what it meant to be quiet, Traded my voice for silence.
I put on a stupid, fake smile. And acted like nothing ever bothered me. Somehow, I thought that would fix everything. As if blocking it all out would erase my anxiety. As if my desires would disappear from reality. FYI, that’s not how it works. Instead of erasing all the pain inside of me, I helped it fester and rip out my sanity. And now I don’t even know how I feel. I don’t know anything anymore, And it’s destroying every part of me.
This is what happens when you become silent. The pain doesn’t go away, the interpreters only go quiet. You stay awake at night, With your eyes all red and foggy, The only thought on your mind something like, What is wrong with me? And the only answers you find, The only words you hear, Is the silence of the abyss staring right back at you. And that’s when you find out, That the only way to erase your anxiety, And be able to function in society, Is to do the one thing that made you quiet in the first place. You have to travel into that abyss, The asylum you created, And take back all the words that you traded for silence. You have to learn how to…. Stop. Being. Quiet.