Every year, the young adult ministry in my church has a retreat, and on that retreat, there’s always a conference on dating and marriage. It’s a great idea, but every year, the questions are generally the same and at least half of the attendees are regulars. After the second or third time, it’s pretty easy to get annoyed with the usual “how do I know who’s the right one?” and “when should I start dating?” questions. At this point, most of us want to know the answers to more taboo questions like “is masturbation a sin?” and “what’s oral sex?” However, whenever these questions are added to the online questionnaire, they get ignored and overlooked, why is that? If the church doesn’t answer these questions, the only other group to answer them would naturally be our friend group and the secular world. What’s wrong with asking these questions? After all, our pastors are there to help guide us to what the Bible says about the most important aspects of our lives, right? I think so, and I’m definitely not afraid to ask these taboo questions out loud, especially when everyone else is probably asking the same thing. When I brought this up to a few friends of mine, they agreed with me and also offered up some insight as to why these types of questions are avoided and some ideas about how to address them.
The biggest reason that these questions are avoided is probably that having these kinds of discussions opens up the floor to all kinds of deep, and possibly disturbing, questions. Not many people want to have in-depth conversations about the private actions in the bedroom. It’s a common thought that talking about sex with others who are not in your immediate family, is wrong and inappropriate. Even mentioning the word “sex” can make others uncomfortable because of the way Satan has perverted it over the years. However, sex is a beautiful act created by God and we shouldn’t be afraid to talk about it in certain contexts. Of course, describing in detail what one does in their own bedroom isn’t encouraged in the Bible, however, there are certain general topics in the area of sex that are mentioned and should be taught. Why? Simply put, if the church doesn’t take the chance to educate it’s congregation about sex from a biblical perspective, then the world will step in and teach everyone about sex from a secular perspective. Proverbs 22:6 is a popular verse that commands parents to train up their children in the right way so that when they begin to live on their own, they will continue to live righteous lives. In a world where sex is celebrated and shown everywhere, shouldn’t parents and pastors take the time to teach their children and disciples what the Bible has to say about it? After all, God is our Lawgiver and if He has given us laws regarding sex and marriage, we should know about them. But, how do we go about addressing these topics without opening the floor to graphic conversations? Let’s look at that next.
It can be difficult to determine how we should address the topic of sex in church. On one side, talking about sex is uncomfortable, and on the other, we do want to educate before the world does. So, what’s the right way to do it? The first step is to examine Scripture; what does the Bible say about sex and how far do the writers go into it? Many people don’t realize how relevant, and sometimes graphic, the Bible can be. There are few, if any things, that we can’t find in Scripture, including topics like incest and bestiality. Pull out the verses, read them to the discussion group, and open the floor for questions. As people begin to speak, continue to point them to the Bible, reference the themes found throughout Scripture, you can even science to backup some the Bible’s claims. Personally, I have found that once you stop being afraid to examine and understand what the Bible says about sex, you will rediscover how beautiful God designed sex and how we, as His children, should engage in it. There will be a kind of peace and assurance that comes with knowing without a doubt what “godly sex” means. And, the devil will begin to lose the grip he has on you because you are no longer ignorant or afraid. It’s much harder to convince a man that two plus two is five when he was brought up to believe that it’s four and he was shown the reason behind the answer and fully understands it.
Someday, I think I might start my own group where we go over taboo topics like these that the devil has perverted. It is my firm belief that once we begin to examine the big heavyweight sins that plague billions of people around the world and apply the Bible to it, our awareness will help us flee from the devil. And, when we have better reasons then “my mother told me so” or “it’s in the Bible somewhere,” we will be more firm in our beliefs and be able to encourage others back on to the right path.